Life in a Lane No One Would Choose!?
In essence, my son is kind and gentle, bright and creative.
I love him. In sickness, he lies, has poor impulse control, is reactionary,
has great mood swings, poor judgment and is irresponsible. There are moments
where his essence shines out briefly. We hope he will decide to choose
against self-sabotage some day and for a meaningful life. With God all
things are possible.
At this juncture in life with an adult child who is both bipolar and has
borderline personality disorder, we are wondering if Jayson is able to live
on his own any longer. He is often heavily medicated and has trouble staying
awake. He also has a car…
I have spoken with Jayson’s caseworker at Golden Circle Behavioral Health
about our concerns for Jayson’s safety and well-being. Fred and I are loathe
to come to a point where we truly believe the best thing for our son is a
group home which would provide help with medications and keep him in a more
secure community environment. He would have therapeutic care. The topic has
been briefly broached with Jayson recently. He becomes angry. We wish health
and wholeness for our son.
Last year’s family Christmas get-together is a perfect
example of what goes wrong with a borderline personality disorder in the
house. Jayson came and spent two days with us prior to the arrival of his
brother, sister-in-law and their three small children. Before their 9 p.m.
arrival, Jayson was relaxed and sociable. Within an hour, he became
hood-eyed and withdrawn. Jealousy is an issue.
The next morning our other children arrived with their spouses and children.
Love, joy and chaotic merriment abounded. We opened gifts in the family room
around the fireplace. Our six small grandchildren were bouncing around with
fine energy.
Everyone brought items of food to share and the table and kitchen counters
were laden with a wide variety of yummies for lunch. As the little ones were
having their plates filled first, Jayson slid into the bedroom he was
occupying. We were all eating and laughing and enjoying one another, when
Jayson appeared in the kitchen to announce to me that he was not feeling
well and proceeded to pass out on the floor. (All of the adults in our
family were waiting for this moment to arrive. For the last three years at
some point in the day Jayson could be counted on to produce such an event.
The only question was WHEN he would choose to do so.)
The new addition to this scenario last year was that Jayson “came to” and
demanded the paramedics come. Stupidly I called them. The scene was set;
Jayson the center of attention. Our 4 & 5-year-old grandsons were agog at
the arrival of the ambulance and their crew. Jayson’s vital signs were
stable and they ended up not taking him to the hospital. Fred and I did so
shortly afterwards.
As we drove to Des Moines from our Indianola home, Jayson sat in the back
seat of our car on his cell phone calling the hospital of his choice to
announce his arrival. He has an amazing repertoire of telephone numbers
committed to memory. We were furious.
Our son was admitted to the hospital. We returned home and tried to
graciously pick up the remains of the day with the rest of our family.
This year we will celebrate Christmas with Jayson by himself. One must come
to terms with certain realities. Where will all of this end? When? How?
Jayson does have times of appearing to be more present in the world. We
support and commend these periods. Soon comes the self-sabotage and he loses
much ground, drops to a new low. |
